i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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