If i come over, it means nothing
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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