i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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