I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Text me some of your sweat
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
