she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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