So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
