And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
being pregnant is like rehab
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
