My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Found the puke drawer
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
