ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
