Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
