How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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