I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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