No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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