i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
