I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
