it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
