I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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