She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
