I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
