would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
