i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
