I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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