it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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