I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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