Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
