Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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