My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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