y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
