the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
