Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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