I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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