i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Randomize
