I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
