i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
organizing the empties. That sober.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize