she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
