Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
