Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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