The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
