I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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