just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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