So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
