Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
