Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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