A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
