she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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