I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
