I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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