True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
