It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
