i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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