I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
