i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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