sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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