im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just found a bag of teeth...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
