...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
