Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
