okay pat passed out under dana's car
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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