I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
