U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
