Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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