i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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