So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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