Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize