If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
