just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
