I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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