apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize