she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
