Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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